PART1

Couldn't sleep well. Dream of him , it's a very short dream like a few seconds but on and off. Like i could feel his existence in the room, pretty scary thou ( often have such dreams which wakes me up then when I go back to sleep, it will pop up again repeatedly - only when I had booze) The person which often pop out are even your last seen person, or that person which you've been thinking about. Then that's when I woke up and check on my hp for his messages. None, but what can he still say now... =\ I want the rose. 

We often break then patch things up within a day or 2. It's been the 2nd day and I don't see him. Probably it's the right choice that we shouldn't even think about patching back.... I've started to miss him already since i walk away. I feel like calling him up but yeah, he just gonna throw me with sacarstic comments again which is rather more hurting. 

How does he feel at this very moment? Is he masturbating or thinking about me?

:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

I missssss him soo.... much. Esp when out of no where, he will tell me he loves me, pulling my head towards his and start kissing me on my forehead, nose and lips. Then he will give me those really really small little cute eyes expression... =\

PART2

Went to lie down after the first post but couldn't sleep. Then I started hugging my maki ( A big round soft ball with just a pair of big black dots and a smiley look with a small tall on the other end ) He spend $20 just to catch it for me (whether is it for his excitment or me but I gonna take it as it's for me.... FEELS BETTER WHAT RIGHT...) and he gave me as a surprise! I was jumping in joy when he pop maki on my face. :((((   (not literally jumping)

That's when I wanna msg him so badly. I have a few msgs which I didn't send out. like

 " Maki says hi. TEEHEE??? "

" Swimming????? "

" HELLO :D?? "

" I miss you "

" Come back YOU FUCKING CHEZEBYE " - exaggerated. LOL

HUNGRY! I MISS UDON. Today is a saturday and it's 11.53am. Probably heading down to school then home to sleep. =\ 

Pretty tired of clubbing . The reason I went to club was, I need a booze and attention being diverted. And I never like the feeling where you're feeling so sad and you stay at home which makes you feel even more blue and KNEWING THAT THAT GUY IS DEFINATELY GOING TO PARTY. -_______-    

That one = CLIMAX

I bet he's gonna club again. Sometimes, I really wish he could spend some time doing meaningful things with me rather than clubbing. OK, IT JUST CAME INTO MY MIND, LOL. 

We go get a big big book then put our photos in. Write stuff and decorate it! (yeah what.. he will like.. " what the fuck?! " then start laughing then change topic) It's seems gay but it's actually sweet. Or we could just watch tv in his living room together? go to the beach?

I guess nothing interest him that's why he would choose to club. I guess I couldn't interest him at all or we share no interests... I find it really hurting when I can't think of anything to do or can't suggest anything? And his mindset is already - nothing to do , CLUB or CINE which means that whatever I suggest which shows him little or no interest at all = CLUB , which is to me = CLIMAX

And when I asked, "go cine do what?"  "Don't know"

It's so lifeless, everyday is just the same routine. If I would to spend my days being so lifeless with him, I'd rather spend it with him when his friends aren't around.  You know girls, don't you like it when you're out with your boyfriends, they give you almost all their attention to you? I mean don't you girls like it? I do.. I really do and in fact, I don't mind just roaming around town with him alone or anywhere.

This is getting no where. I need to let go; I have to... 

And I m just gonna say this for last time (if we patch then no more last time) and I really really mean it last time.. because after this.. I'm really letting go. ( IF WE PATCH THEN DIFFERENT THING ... )

I think you all know lah. LOL